Is Anger Healthy?

Many of us, especially those of us who are AFAB (assigned female at birth), have been taught that it is important to control anger, to stay calm and "nice," and to chill out. Anger is portrayed as "out of control" and "dangerous" and "calm" is celebrated as more "spiritual" by many.

As I learned about Polyvagal Theory and then about the autonomic ladder, I was very surprised to see that the sympathetic state (fight/flight) is actually closer to ventral (safe and connected) than dorsal (freeze). From a polyvagal perspective we "have to" move through sympathetic in order to move from dorsal to freeze. So in other words, it is actually most effective to get a little angry if our ultimate goal is to be safe and connected! Who would have thought?!

The trouble is that "angry" has only been modeled as aggressive or passive aggressive for most of us. We rarely see people "using" anger to mobilize themselves towards the courage that it takes to use assertive communication and radical acceptance to shift back to a place of safety when we are confronted by a threat.

This makes perfect sense when we cross reference Hawkins' Map of Consciousness. I learned about it from his book Power vs. Force and it is a wonderful concept that puts different levels consciousness on a scale from 1 to 1000. These levels correspond to various emotional states, beliefs, and values, with higher levels representing greater awareness and spiritual development.

The part that aligns so nicely with the polyvagal ladder is how if you laid the polyvagal ladder right on top of the map, you'd see that dorsal lines up perfectly with the "lower levels" (1-200), sympathetic lines up perfectly with "mid-range" levels (200-500) and ventral (safe and connected) lines up with the "higher levels" (500-1000).

This is how the levels are described:

• Lower Levels (1-200): These levels are associated with lower vibrational frequencies, often linked to negative emotions and limiting beliefs.

• Mid-Range Levels (200-500): As we move up the scale, the vibrational frequency increases. These levels are associated with more positive emotions and a greater sense of personal power.

• Higher Levels (500-1000): These levels are characterized by very high vibrational frequencies, associated with states of love, peace, and enlightenment.

So in that midrange we get anger and anger, to me, is actually just a gas pedal, and if we use the anger, if we take the message our nervous system is sending, it can help us mobilize effectively up towards ventral, giving us the energy to tap into courage and then move up towards neutrality, willingness and acceptance. Only when we are neutral and accept all outcomes can we actually communicate assertively. Assertive communication is the clear and direct assertion of needs and desires without demand or expectation, always honest, respectful and allowing for the other person's autonomy and choices. From a place of acceptance I can ask for something knowing and being okay with the reality that I may not receive it.

When we start to feel anger and either push it down/deny it or let it mobilize through aggression or passive aggression we will eventually end up back in dorsal (freeze). This can keep us in a rut behaviorally and when it becomes a chronic pattern can often result in physical or mental health challenges. Learning about the nervous system and the intersections with the map of consciousness can give us the tools to actually receive and act on the communication of our emotions and physical sensations so that we can move towards choice and away from the stuckness that often comes from chronic reactivity.