I recently started working with an incredible person who is helping me with this website which has historically been more of a "scrap book of things I am interested in" situation but has never been "google-able" and is very hard to navigate...so she is helping me make it so that people can find me here and one of the things she suggested was to write more blog posts.
I had written a few when I first made the website and then honestly completely forgot that I even had a blog aspect to the website. I feel a little ick about the whole idea of even paying to try and make the site more "google-able" because "marketing" has always felt uncomfortable to me, but I am realizing that I really love doing this work and I love the connections I'm making and experiences I'm having and I could say I'm wanting to connect with more people because I want to help more people which is a part of it, but another part of it is just because it sounds fun, because I want to.
I have heard people talking with Byron Katie about how letting go of our perception of how things "should be" feels like jumping off a cliff of reality and we might never know what to "do" next if we were to completely let go of our expectations, plans, goals, etc. The illusion of security and control that is created when we have rules and shoulds can be alluring. But in the long run, I do think it creates a lot of unnecessary suffering. If you get down to it, fighting with reality creates a never ending experience of pain and loss because no matter how well you manipulate the law of attraction, inevitably life is going to take the path of least resistance in a way that doesn't go according to your preference at some point.
When we let go of the "shoulds", we also open up to the body and desire and respond-ability in a new way. We may have less control in one sense, but in another sense, it actually opens us up to the ultimate control. If life doesn't have to go my way for me to be okay, then I have the option to always be ok!
And when we are always ok, we can stop expending so much energy on trying to control everything and can free up that energy for play, for exploring things that sound yummy or juicy or relaxing or interesting or exciting or just like something we would get a kick out of. And in this instance, I feel like learning about and investing in having a website that is google-able and being able to connect with others on the journey more easily is something that sounds fun. As my friend Heena says, "wanting something is a good enough reason to want it."
In DBT there is a module called Distress Tolerance, and the idea behind it is that sometimes we can't figure out how to make a situation better, but we might be able to not make it worse. As I've practiced this, I've found that passing time doing something that sounds fun or interesting or even just a relief to me is a valuable way to move through life, the energetics I put out when I am having fun or relaxing are very much more peaceful than those I put out when I am struggling and husseling and stressing out over not doing enough or not being enough.
Is there something that just sounds nice that you could let yourself do today even if there is not a "good" or "important" reason or even if it feels a little silly or embarassing or awkward? What would it feel like to give yourself permission to just experience it because you want to experience it. We put so much pressure on our every decision that it can be exhausting and defeating. What if life is just an amusement park and it didn't matter how you spent your day at the amusement park, you could go on every ride or go on one over and over or sit at a table and just people watch, or sit in the parking lot on your phone or taking a nap, what if the stakes are that low and if it really couldn't matter less? How would you spend the next five minutes? Sending so much love! xo, z
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